Category Archives: Crafts

Free Chairs Are Rarely Free

It’s predictable. Whenever I bring a new chair into the house, Bert will claim it.

Cat sitting on dining chair. — Bert sitting on free chair.

He’s grown quite a bit since I took the above picture, which is to say that it takes me a while to get around to fixing the chairs that I’ve been collecting. Several layers of fabric covered this particular one. Michael liked the floral pattern.

However, someone else covered it with plaid.

The chair had several layers of fabric on it.

The original upholstery was gold with boxing and piping (sorry, no picture). It’s only a coincidence that I chose fabric in a similar color ($50 +) to cover the new cushion ($25) that replaced one that was gross and crumbling.

Crumbling cushion needs to be replaced. — The cushion was shot.

Needing practice before cutting into my new not-free fabric, I made a pillow out of scraps. And then I used sheets to make a dummy cover that mimicked the original style, which had boxing with welting along the top and bottom.

To practice, I made a dummy cover using an old sheet. Notice the piping on the top and bottom of the cushion. This is how the original cover was.

I also made a cut pattern using Inkscape, which is a vector-based design program. I know the software just enough to muscle my way through a project like this. Apart from the inherent problems with my plan (see below), it worked great. In fact, I was so excited about this discovery that I wanted to make a tutorial in which I would explain how to draw a rectangle to represent the size of your fabric and similarly how to draw the pattern to scale. The best part was using the “transform” option to put an object at a perfect 45-degree angle for those pieces that are to be cut on the bias. Explaining such basic things is like pretending that I’m Julia Child whenever I make a grilled cheese sandwich, as if anyone needs to be told how to butter bread.

Still, making a quick video might be useful to someone and it would be good to keep up with my video editing skills. One problem. There’s no such thing as a quick video. Somehow, what was supposed to be a five-minute demonstration kept creeping over the half-hour mark. It gave me an appreciation for the preparation, talent and (ironically) time that’s needed to make succinct tutorials.

Cut pattern for box seating. — This cut pattern was made using Inkscape.

As for the problem with my cut plan, the cushion has welting/piping/cording on the top edge and the bottom edge. I understood how to attach the top part, even if I still can’t do it perfectly. However, based on how the original cover was done, and limited in experience, I came up with a rather wasteful way of attaching the bottom welting, hence the diagonal strips that are over 6″ wide in my cut plan. Because the cover is stretched and stapled to the bottom of the slip seat, I thought I would need enough fabric in the welting to accomplish this. Unless we’re talking about salt, too much is better than too little when you’re guessing. At least that was my logic.

Box cushion — This is the new cover without batting or the crown.

I finally worked up the courage to cut my fabric using the pinking shears that I found in my Christmas stocking last year. I was suspicious of the scissors, as they were not like the ones my mother has, the same ones my sister used to cut her hair when we were kids. My new scissors looked like something you would find in a preschool art room. There were also the YouTube videos that convinced me that a hot knife was essential. What’s the point of starting without it? I understand the contradiction. On the one hand, give me what I grew up with. On the other hand, how am I supposed to cut an accurate line without a tool that I discovered yesterday watching a Salerite video?

The pinking shears worked great. I made the cover and it fit the cushion fine. It’s pictured above with the new cushion but without the batting (FREE) that is supposed to cover the foam to give it a better shape (and make the seat more comfortable?). For that I used the cotton that I recovered from an old box spring. Because a synthetic covering protected the material, the cotton was clean and in perfect shape. However, it did contain seeds. But given that I’ve found hay and horse hair in some of these old chairs, I figured that it should be okay.

Later I was looking at Steve Cone’s book on upholstery and noticed a different method for attaching the bottom cording, as opposed to the convoluted way that I did it. It is stapled to the bottom of the seat after the cover is stapled in place. This made a lot more sense, as it seemed tricky to attach the bottom cording in exactly the right place on the boxing before it is stretched over the cushion and attached. It certainly required less fabric. It’s probably like a lot of things with upholstery. There’s more than one way to do it. Either way, I opted to undo some of my work and attach the bottom welting with staples as opposed to sewing it onto the boxing.

By accident, I discovered that the welting on the bottom needs to be reinforced with a cardboard upholstery tack strip ($16 for 20 feet). I will also need to get some black cambric to cover the bottom of the chair, which is supposed to be cheap. I thought about using scrap fabric but figured that the cambric is super lightweight for a reason. And though I do have a roll of landscape fabric that seems like it could do the job, I’m going to get the cambric.

Here’s the result, including my test pillow, which is a mess, but I like it anyway.

Recovered slip seat. — The mostly finished chair, with batting and the cover stapled in place.

As for forming the “crown,” (you might be able to see the curve of the cushion in the above picture), I put together scraps of polyester batting left over from other projects and placed it under the foam cushion. Absent those remnants, which I’m glad to have saved, could I have used something else? Could I use old socks? And if so, would I need to shred them to keep them from feeling too hard or lumpy underneath the cushion?

Aside from the supplies already listed, there was adhesive and enough staples to do an entire dining set (lots of doing and redoing). In addition, the stretchers on the chair needed to be glued. It’s nice to get to a point when a repair like that doesn’t require a trip to the hardware store, as I had clamps that worked. There were also spots on the legs that needed to be touched up. Again, it was cool to have the supplies on hand. I never addressed the decorative pieces at the corner of the legs, except to remove the broken ones. To make the chair right, I would either need to remove the remaining ones or replace the missing ones. Finally, I still need to screw to seat to the chair (after adding the dust cover/cambric to the bottom).

Taking a class would give me a better eye for what’s done and what needs more work. In this case, I can see the chair isn’t perfect. Some live instructions might be needed to get it closer. For now, this is good enough.

Once again, Bert has claimed the chair in its new incarnation. He still needs to be reminded not to claw on it.

Bar Stool Turned Cat Furniture

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I have a weakness for free chairs. Here’s a bar stool that Brian and I found while taking a walk.

I imagine a student made this chair in shop class back when there were industrial arts in high school. Or someone — a man who was born knowing how to use a table saw — took an afternoon to make the chair in his garage. It was raining that day, and he was trying to escape the house where his wife was hosting a party for a recently divorced friend. Whatever its origins, a chair like this should be part of a set but I doubt it ever was.

In the city, leaving an item on the curb is a common way to pass it on. But I still look around for permission before taking anything. “Is this broken, hideous chair that’s sitting next a toilet and a dumpster full of construction debris free? Amazing!”

Wanting to give the chair a chance, the woman I spoke to had moved it from the alley to a prominent corner. Picturing this made me think of ants who are always busy moving material of various sorts: an errant crumb, the foundation of my house. This woman and I must be some kind of recycling ants. Her job is to unearth treasures and put the bright shiny things on the main trails where other roving ants like me will see them, whereupon they will enlist a stronger ant to carry the item for several blocks back to the nest.

Upon a closer look, I might have reneged on taking the chair. But seeing how my initial interest had perked up the ant-woman who was invested by this point, my obligation was clear. Or it could have been that it was the height of the pandemic, and fixing junk replaced recording interviews for my podcast. Or maybe it was my age that compelled me to take the chair. I can still hear my neighbor who is a little older than me say, “I also went through a chair phase,” while another friend joked that I was one step away from glazing a bowl in a shop window.

As expected, my cats claimed the bar stool. We’re not keeping it. So, don’t get too attached, Bert.

I brought the chair to the cat-free garage and started to investigate. This is the first step to fixing anything. It’s interesting to see what the ants before me did to beautify the piece. In this case, fabric covered a worn-out rush seat, proving that we do what we know how to do. In this case, someone knew how to use a staple gun. Was the fabric chosen or was it just handy? The flowers that are painted on the frame were also someone’s idea of an upgrade. They were supposed to cheer up the place or camouflage an objectionable shade of brown. Regardless, it was a job to remove it.

Once I stripped the chair, it became clear that whitewashing it (a technique I saw on YouTube) would not produce the desired effect. Though the joints were tight (Thank goodness! I wouldn’t need to “Take it apart and glue it back together again,” as one of my favorite YouTubers is always saying), the wood was cracked and mismatched and generally in rough shape. My neighbor suggested painting it red and that sounded good.

Unable to find the right shade of red, I considered black. Brian was against it, saying that a chair like this needed the advantage of a pop of color. So, I stuck with my plan, which meant watching more YouTube videos about how to weave a rush seat. Then one day I woke up thinking about a checkered pattern. When my neighbor (the same who suggested the red) independently suggested checkers for the seat, I had to try it.

The checkers could have been bigger, and the improvement might have outweighed the cost of a weaker seat. But it was hard to justify starting over. Maybe I was being lazy. But there is something to be said for being done. However, even though I didn’t plan to keep this chair, I wanted to love it. I wanted it to be something I could sell or proudly give away. I wanted it to be state-fair-ribbon worthy. This was falling short of that fantasy.

Sometimes a project does not give a person satisfaction. Again, I wonder if I should have gone with a black frame. Again, Brian says no. Maybe finishing the back support would help? It did not. The black cross is accidental, something I’m always explaining. It reminds me of the God’s eyes we used to make in elementary school. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s one in the things my mother returned to me — old report cards, yearbooks, etc. — some years ago.

As I worked on the chair, the cats persisted in claiming it, especially Bert. So, I surrendered to the idea and eventually quit scolding him for scratching on it, which he loves to do. “At least let me take a few pictures before you destroy it, Bert.” Fully embracing the idea that this was cat furniture that I was making, I wove a box to the bottom rungs of the bar stool because Michael and Bert love a box. It was also a chance to experiment with using cut up old socks (pieces are cut into loops and woven like how many of us made potholders as kids). It would not have been suitable to support the weight of a person (Yes, I wanted to try using old socks to refurbish a lawn chair. Fortunately I’ve been convinced that it would be a waste of time.). However, the socks work great to make a box or a hammock for a cat, assuming you can tolerate the shedding (of the socks, though cats shed too).

To assure me that my efforts would be worth it, both cats would sit on the chair while I was weaving it. Michael and Bert like to be involved in projects.

A cat sitting on an unfinished woven box.

Here’s Michael sitting in the finished box.

Cat sitting in a woven hammock at the bottom of a bar stool.

Cat sitting in a hammock woven onto the bottom of a bar stool.

The cats do love this chair, especially when you mix it with playtime.

Cat playing on bar stool that has been converted into cat furniture.

Here’s Bert on his highchair with a pad that my sister Amy crocheted using bits and bobs from her yarn closet.

Though sturdy, this chair had its limitations. Or maybe I lack the imagination and the skill to make it the best that it can be. But I liked how the project evolved. And I like that it is done. And I love how Michael and Bert have given the chair its purpose. Down the road, an ant will look at this chair and say, “That red is terrible! Was it chosen or was it just handy?” She will wonder, “Is that supposed to be a magazine rack on the bottom?” and declare, “Poor chair!” She will drag it home. Take it apart and put it back together again. And think, “Surely, we can do better than this!”

Macramé Lawn Chair

French Window Treatments

Not Bored but Maybe Boring

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Brian groaned when he realized the purpose of our post-lunch errand. Nevertheless, he was relieved to find out that my haul would fit into a grocery bag. In other words, it wasn’t another chair.

I love my recent acquisitions, two paintings I found on FreeCycle. The first is a sunset – or a sunrise? – that I see as I turn around to face the hallway at the top of the stairs.

The second is a place that feels familiar, though I’ve never been there.

If you ask me what I’ve been up to, this is what I’ll tell you. I hung up two paintings the same day I got them. If there’s time and you seem interested, we could talk about how something as simple as a free painting can lift a person’s spirits or how these random paintings about which I felt lukewarm belong here. For the person who gave them away, these paintings were clutter or reminiscent of a time best forgotten or just ugly. Or maybe it was painful to give away her mother’s art that was collected over the span of a childhood? But she’s moving to Denver. Starting over after a messy divorce. No room. Downsize, like it or not. Or maybe she read Marie Kondo’s book and said, “These colors don’t spark joy! Get them out!”

Maybe.

Or I might tell you about how I’ve been replacing the boards on my deck and how being done with hauling 16-footers on top of my car (after hours of picking through them at the warehouse, ugh!) is a cause for celebration, even though there’s still more to do.

Or – being of limited skills in the way of needle arts – how I cannot believe that I managed to recover four patio chairs using my consumer-end sewing machine. It was tricky but not as hard as sewing a patch on some old jeans.

It’s an out-of-body experience to look at a finished product (mostly finished, I might add some buttons but I’m counting it as not to despair). It’s the same feeling I get whenever I see the door at the top of the stairs. It was caked with layers of brittle paint and it was a huge job to repaint it. The ceiling in the dining room. The office I’m sitting in right now used to be Pepto Bismol pink. These are good things to remember when you’re in the middle of a never-ending project like when there are still boards to cut, clamp and screw down to the framing of the deck. With every swing of the hammer, I wonder “Am I about to ruin my house?”

“I’m not bored but I might be boring.”

That’s what I told my mother when we were catching up this morning. She called just as she was sitting down with a fresh cup of coffee and just as I was about to do the same.

Boring is no badge of honor anymore than eschewing television makes you better than me. I would welcome adventure. But it’s still cool to take pleasure in second-hand art and to think, “Perfect! I love it.” And then to put away the drill that has a place because you’ve already done the boring task of organizing your tools, which didn’t bore you at all.

Bert claiming the materials to make the seat cushions. He loved the plastic mesh that I was able to reuse after reinforcing it with fabric.

“You’re not going to throw out these filthy cushions are you?”

I did document the patio chair project and keep meaning to post some tips, if not for the random person who might find it useful (Spoiler alert: pockets, as in shams, instead of zippers), then for me. Because it’s already starting to feel like someone else must have done it and I’m not sure I could do it again.

It’s just sewing.

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In the past, whenever someone came over to visit and we sat on the deck, I’d throw an old sheet over one of the patio chairs that have seen better days. This was going to be the year to address the problem. We should have replaced the cushions a long time ago when Steve offered to make them at cost. He wanted to return a favor, if you can call being patient a favor.

We first met Steve Cone when we hired him to reupholster the old chair that Brian had inherited forty years ago during his time at Rural Sociology at the U of M. While it was supposed to take weeks to fix the chair, due to extenuating circumstances, the initial deadline was blown by several months. We didn’t care. As long as our dusty chair with its springs that dragged on the floor sat in Steve’s shop, it wasn’t in the living room. Mission accomplished, as far as I was concerned. There was no favor to return. But Steve insisted on giving us the deal.

“It’s just sewing,” he said.

It made me think that a person in his line of work must be accustomed to fussing or downright difficult clients.

Steve was a rock star in the world of upholstery and I feel lucky to have crossed paths with him when I had the chance. Recently, when a salesperson at A-1 Foam recommended his book, Singer Upholstery Basics Plus: Complete Step-by-Step Photo Guide, she said “People have started businesses based on what they learned in that book.” I couldn’t help myself and had to make it known that we too had met the man and knew of his greatness. What I didn’t say was that I have good memories of how easy it was to chat with Steve and I feel strangely proud that he felt the same way about me.

Maybe he made everyone feel that way, which would have been another testament to his greatness.

As he went over the numbers for the patio chairs, Steve said that he could reuse the fabric on the back of the cushion, which was this light gray plastic weave that’s used for sling chairs. I wasn’t so sure I liked that idea. I was sick of these awful cushions and I wanted something new. Wasn’t that the point? Whatever we decided, before he could do the job, Steve would need some time to give his hands a chance to rest. In a couple of months, I was supposed to call him to get on the schedule. Then time got away from me, as it always seems to do. When the Christmas card I sent to Steve was returned in the mail, I had a sinking feeling that too much time had slipped away. And I was right. At the age of 71, Steve had a heart attack and died.

He missed the first pandemic shutdown by just a month or so. He also would have missed the last party we had before the coronavirus took over the world. If only we had invited him…

It was a stupid calculation. On the one hand, I could see him at the table. On the other hand, it was early on in the dinner party experiments that Brian and I were planning for the year… So, maybe we should stick with people who we knew would roll with it regardless of whether a silly little game worked as planned or whether anyone had anything insightful to say about the topic at hand or whether the evening went south in some other unexpected way. We would invite Steve once we figured out what could help keep things interesting yet comfortable enough amongst a group that didn’t necessarily know each other very well. In the meantime, there’s no need to torture anyone or to look foolish so early on in what I had hoped would become a friendship. Had I to do it over again… would’ve, could’ve, should’ve… I should’ve trusted that Steve could’ve rolled with it and it would’ve been fine.

So, back to square one with the chairs. “Send photos!” a handful of upholsterers said.

We bought this secondhand patio set fourteen years ago. That pattern strikes me as 80’s but I’m not sure.

So far, there has been one response, not counting a prompt response from Repair Lair that doesn’t do upholstery even though It’s just sewing.:

Rebekah,
These cushions are pretty complicated and definitely beyond my sewing skills….
S*

At another place, we were warned to be prepared for how expensive cushions can be: “The stuff made in the factory is cheap. So, when you have them custom made, they’re going to cost you more than what you paid for the entire set.” In addition to that, a backlog of work meant that it would take weeks just to get an estimate.

Next stop: A big box store where they stock bolts of fabric so that a person can walk out with a yard. Probably inspired by watching too many YouTube videos, I would try to repair the cushions myself and I needed supplies to experiment. Whether my consumer-end sewing machine was up for the task was just “part of the discovery process,” as Brian likes to put it.

So far, so good.

Bert approves of the newly recovered chair, though he was also happy to claim the dirty naked Dacron that’s been sitting on the floor by the front door for the last few weeks.

In an upcoming post, I’ll describe what I did to deal with the worn parts of fabric that I reused on the backside of the cushion (I came to appreciate Steve’s suggestion to reuse the fabric and have noticed that upholsters in general take pride in keeping what’s salvageable), explain how I got around installing a zipper (and why I wanted to avoid it), and let you know how I ultimately finished this cushion. For now, I have discovered enough to know that what I’m trying to do is possible. As for the frames of the chairs, eventually I’ll repaint them.

In case you forgot, here’s a before and an almost-done after.

Steve has been on my mind as I’ve been working on this project. I’m on shaky ground, as I am not a sewer. Just cutting into the fabric feels scary. So, telling myself, “It’s just sewing,” can be helpful whenever I get stuck.

Steve Cone and Brian who is sitting in the newly reupholstered chair that Steve just delivered.

Box Spring Seedling Stand

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My friend Santwana started a zero waste Facebook page for her neighborhood. So, when I told her about the seedling rack that I made out of a box spring, she wanted pictures to share on her page. Here’s an overview:

This twin box spring was cut in half and folded to stand freely on one end. It made natural shelf space for trays of seedlings.

If I recall correctly, some mattress warranties are dependent on using the box spring that comes with it. So, with every new mattress coming with a new box spring, how are the two ever separated? And yet orphaned box springs are a dime a dozen online.

Correction: They are free.

Taking a box spring that I didn’t need was the price of a free bed frame from FreeCycle. The people who were giving away/off-loading these items were trying to avoid a disposal fee. Since our regular trash service allows for three “large trash” pickups a year, I took the deal. I just needed to make a call and put our new box spring on the schedule. Then like magic someone would come and haul it away. Easy. And yet there it sat in the garage. Maybe someone could use it? But no one ever responded to my posts. Maybe it could be upcycled? But the votive candle holders everyone was making out of box spring springs just seemed like reshaped junk, much like a lot of pasta dishes that require varying degrees of effort.

In the meantime, I’ve been developing an interest in restoring old furniture. Knowing very little about it, I wondered if the springs some people were using to make Christmas wreaths could be used in the seat of a chair. Maybe I should open up the box spring to see what’s what. But wait! Finally, a bite. Someone actually needs a box spring sans mattress. Fine. I brought it in the house to inspect it more closely and vacuum it. False alarm. She won’t be needing the box spring after all. In the meantime, Michael and Bert – our cats – claimed it as a scratching post. And they liked napping in the perfect hammock of a box spring turned on its side.

With all of the chairs I’ve been collecting, my house was already taking on a workshop vibe. But the box spring pushed it into grunge.

So, I took it apart with the idea of reshaping it into a cat palace. A bigger better hammock with a footprint more to my liking. It would be something Michael and Bert could climb like a tree. Unfortunately, there weren’t any springs like the ones I saw on YouTube. So, there was nothing in that respect for my rescued chairs. However, the black fabric that covers the bottom of box springs is the perfect material to cover the bottom of a chair. And the padding from the box spring could be used for the seat of a chair. Having been covered in the factory with bomb-proof polyester, it was in great shape.

I’ll use the padding from the box spring and the black material that covered the bottom of it for my rescued chair projects. Instead of folding the black material, I should have rolled it to avoid causing creases that can’t be ironed.

The first layer under the fabric is cotton. Underneath that is horsehair which can be reused.

After removing the upholstery from the box spring, I removed the center brace and cut the cross slats in half. This gave me a chance to use my fancy laser level. It let me strike a line down the center of the slats, so that I could easily cut each one in the same location. Then with Brian’s help, I folded the box spring in half lengthwise and stood it up on its end. I reattached the center brace to support the open end of the slats that had been cut. Then I attached an additional strip of wood to support the slats on the other side of the fold.

The next morning, I couldn’t see a cat tower anymore. I don’t know why but it became a tower for seedlings instead. Thankfully, Michael and Bert didn’t seem to mind, although I did wake up one morning to find a tray on the floor with teeth marks in it.

I started with making trays that fit seven pots and it worked. But I decided to go with shorter trays so that everything was contained within the frame.

Since I needed trays of a specific size, I made them using foil insulation. To make them, I cut an 8 x 21″ piece of insulation then pinched each corner and secured it with a rubber band. To add support and to more uniformly hold up the sides, I added a rubber band around each end of the tray.

There are fourteen shelves – seven on each side of the fold – that hold trays with six pots each.

Yes, those pots are made out of newspaper and a dab of tape. I’ve used them in the past and they work great. Here’s the YouTube video where I learned how to make them. Or if you do a search for newspaper seedling pots, you’ll find other methods that do not require any tape.

While I really like the look of my seedling tower (I don’t get an old mattress vibe at all. I think it’s really cool!), I figured that it would be a pain to water. But for me, it’s fine. A little water in the bottom of the tray and a couple of squirts with a spray bottle seems to work fine. In case I wanted to make adjustments to maximize the sun exposure, I put the seedling tower on a rug so that it’s easy to slide on the wood floors.

I saw a YouTube video where someone made a display rack for a store with the same idea of using these built-in shelves. In that case, they did not fold the box spring in half. They also added wheels. I can see where that might make a nice seedling rack too.

To maximize light, I’m thinking about adding more foil insulation so that it can close around the structure at night and open and reflect light back to the tower during the day. There’s probably an optimal way of doing this, but I don’t know what it is.

I’m playing around with the idea of adding foil insulation that could be closed around the structure at night and opened to reflect light back onto the structure during the day.

Somewhere I have lights I could potentially add.

We’ll see how this works. In the past, I’ve just had luck putting seedlings in a tray by the window and keeping them moist. As I learn more about it, I can see there are some best practices that might yield even better results. In the meantime, I’m also trying winter sowing. My friend Santwana mentioned that she was doing this, which is what prompted me to do seedlings this year. It’s funny how life is a circle that way.

If you wanted to try this, I’m sure you could make someone’s day by taking an old box spring off of their hands.

Let me know if you have ideas for improvements.

Upcycled Oven Mitt

DIY Plant Stand for a Rescue Case

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We were going to a show. So, after he came home from work, it wasn’t surprising to see Brian parking on the street in front of the house instead of in the garage. But something was up. He unlocks the front door. Then back to the car. What’s he doing? He probably stopped for groceries. I should help bring them in, but I don’t feel like it. I am a terrible wife.

Then I see it. He finally brought it home after weeks of preparing me for the possibility. There was this plant that Brian adopted after it had been abandoned during the most recent reorganization at work. It wasn’t doing so well. It used to be by a window, but because of the construction now it isn’t and now it’s sadly in decline. It needs sun. Brian is fine. Don’t worry about him. He can get up and take a walk. He assured me of this. But that plant! It’s just stuck there in this artificial light. Maybe he’ll bring it home. He never does.

…until he does. Another branch shriveled? Did too many needles fall? Did they pile up on January and refuse to be casually brushed aside? And now Charlie Brown over there is unloading this thing that is cramped in the back of his car, because while a grown man could sit relatively comfortably in the back of a Prius, this giant plant with its sprawling limbs is too big.

I’m always trying to stop things from coming into the house. I enjoy a good estate sale and am always imagining my own. When homes are disassembled and stripped of life, a whimsical collection of birds taken out of context and arranged on rented banquet tables, or a certain type of glass or enough pencils to last a hundred years can seem more like a window into the mind of a crazy person than anything beautiful or useful. It’s hard to win this battle – keeping our heads above the stuff – when you’re fighting against someone who has bonded with a tree. But I honestly cannot imagine where we are going to put this thing. A spare corner eases my mind and I was just beginning the enjoy the fruits of my labor. But what are the options? I fear the plant is going to bring the room’s energy down, like so many of those plants we saw in the photos of those houses for sale when we were in the market. Searching real estate sites, Brian and I used to laugh about how sometimes we weren’t really looking at a house so much as we were looking at people’s stuff. Sometimes, there might be a pet in the picture. A pet! Like I’m going to get a free dog if I buy this house? If the idea is to give me the impression that this is a good place for a family, why not stick grandma in there too? In any case, I wanted a fern. There is an empty pot on top of the built-in bookshelf that awaits its arrival. But this? This is too much. Too much.

The next day, Saturday, we spent some time rummaging for something that could elevate the new plant. A column, probably out of a church, from Architectural Antiques was not an option at north of eight hundred dollars. At one furniture store where we did not expect to find anything except for maybe an idea, a salesperson offered us mimosas. Furniture is art. Light fixtures and lamps are art. Rugs. Art. It makes sense that we would causally wander the gallery with our cocktails enjoying the “movement” of a particularly sleek sectional, knowing that it would never fit into our living room. I really just wanted to look at junk, parts with which to do something. I say this as if I were handy, as if I know how to weld stuff, as if I had the tools to make uniform cuts to make uniform slabs of wood. This is a dream. But we can dream. I still like to scrounge and imagine what could be done, if only…. if only.

We fail to find anything. We run out of ideas about where to look. I had just been to the Goodwill. I doubt there’s anything there. I’m kind of tired, but I want to “party on”, as I like to say to Brian whenever I’m feeling restless. I suggest we go to The Lab, a brewery near our house. There you can pour your own beer and pay for it by the ounce, which is perfect because I just want a taste.

As we walk into the place, a pair of queens are running a game of Bingo. A woman, part of a foursome at the next table, tells me that it’s free to play. She must have been disappointed when I did not leap up to fetch a card and a plastic cup full of Bingo chips. At one point between games, the queens start to lip sync, each taking her turn. People are holding up bills. The second act is racy. After a high kick it isn’t long before she sheds the 50’s-ish sheer red polka-dotted dress that sparkles to expose a bodysuit that looks as if it had been splattered with paint. The crowd howls. She does the splits. The cheering defies the time of day, a lazy afternoon, though it is different from the canned excitement of daytime television, which I loathe. Shouldn’t we be at a night club? A man on the other side of the room from where we are sitting is waving money. But he fails to get the dancer’s attention because there’s apparently too much money to track. I am mildly stressed by this, worried that the man feels rejected and wondering if Marilyn Monroe will ever get her five dollars. The dancer approaches the foursome next to us. They are eating up this odd mix of Bingo and bachelor party where at one point, the dancer pretends to spit into her hand and briefly simulates something that I will not directly say here, but it suffices to say that it made a grown man blush in front of his friends who were roaring with laughter.

And just like that it’s back to B-12 followed by whatever joke, story, fact or memory is triggered by the number. The dirtier the better. Of course, some numbers are obvious.

Someone comes around with a free sample of some kind of “super food” that has been juiced, some kind of berry. I didn’t catch the name of it, though it was repeated a couple of times. It’s an antioxidant. What else is there to know? It’s good for you. This particular sample has been mixed with alcohol. Try it! Later I will be mad for a few minutes thinking of the ridiculousness of it, but not as mad as I was about the show we saw the night that Brian brought that plant home and the utterly pretentious discussion that followed it.

The friendly – possibly drunk by now – free-bingo-cards! woman who had first spoken to us when we arrived leans over to me with a comment every now and then. She points out the entertainment value in watching people walk through the door to find the place in stitches, helpless against a Barbara Streisand perm, clear stilettos, and a pink rectangle-of-a dress that can barely cover a snatch. She’s right! Just look at those faces. Some unsuspecting dude walks in and confusion shifts to surprise and then delight. “Web cam!” I said. I could watch that all day.

That evening at the YMCA, Brian and I are talking as we walk the track, dodging teens who are playing basketball. I had regretted that we frittered away the day looking for a lousy plant stand that probably doesn’t exist. I am certain that he would have preferred to stay home to read. But he says that life isn’t supposed to be efficient. It’s probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

When we get home from the gym, Brian goes upstairs to start a new book. I grab the iPad and do a search for DIY plant stands. I tried something with the idea of getting a sense of how high the plant should be, what kind of footprint would work, etc. You know, a test. It turns out that I liked my prototype better than I would have expected.

Here’s the big plant that Brian brought home. It’s supported by the feet of a tomato cage that are tucked under the rim of the pot.

I found some things that fit perfectly on each tomato cage ring. Bottom: floor. Next Up: Flat basket. Then: An aluminum platter with roses. I also tried a cutting board here and that worked too. Next: Clear glass bowl with a candle and a few rocks inside. Above that is hardware cloth (that still needs to be hemmed or treated to address the rough edges) and a plate. Top: Plant.

The aluminum tray is at a good height to put a drink, assuming there is a chair nearby.

Looking down. The pot isn’t actually sitting on the plate below it. It is suspended above it.

I wish the pictures did this justice. It’s pretty sweet and didn’t cost anything on the current budget. I just used stuff I had around the place. If I stick with this idea, I’ll reinforce the connections between the tomato cage rings and legs with some lashing. Maybe I’ll paint it. Maybe I won’t. I’ll cover the bottom ring that rests on the floor with something to make it easier to slide without scratching the floor. I was thinking of using some old socks that have been cut into loops. (I could probably write a post titled “100 things to do with socks that have been cut up into loops.” Of course, first on the list would be to make a potholder using one of those potholder looms you might have had when you were a kid.)

Or maybe I will start over. Maybe this is a prototype. I’ve seen plant stands and little tables framed with copper pipes. I do have a saw and some sandpaper… stain to use up…

It’s a good thing that efficiency is overrated.

Free Crown Royal Bags

5 Replies

Over the years we’ve accumulated quite a few Crown Royal bags and a friend has even more to add to our pile! They are free to anyone who can use them. While they can be handy for things like storing scrabble tiles and while my mom and I made a quilt with some and my sister crocheted a rug/seat pad with others, we have more than I can ever use. For more ideas about what you can do with these bags, just do a quick Internet search. There’s a ton of ideas out there!